Day 21 - Naked (Not Really)

I decided to take a photo of myself without make-up. It's pretty scary. Not the photo (I hope), but the fact that me, without make-up, will be permanently documented. I am not one of those people who have to have make-up on before I leave the house, but if doing so, I usually make sure I'm going to places where I won't run into people I know. So again, taking a picture for all to see, is quite a scary feat for me. What will people think?

What do I think? I'm afraid that people will see the uneven skin tone, and any other imperfection that I can dream up. I'm afraid people will see someone un-lovable. But that fact is, what I should see, setting fears aside, is a bright smile paired with mischievous and perhaps intriguing eyes. What I should see, is an intelligent woman with a bright future. What I should see, is a fun girl who anyone else would be lucky to be friends with.

Why are we all our own worst critics? Why can't we put fears aside and just love ourselves and each other without judgement? How can we expect others to not pass judgement, when we judge what we see in the mirror every day? Here's to facing fears, and being okay with just being me.

Day 20 - Namaste

Today I set fears aside and tried a new exercise class. While I'm no stranger to Yoga, I wasn't sure what to expect from the class entitled, "Rise-n-Shine Yoga". Committing myself to attending was facing one fear, while actually getting there was another. I have quite a commute to tackle before arriving at the 7am class, and was fearful of running late. While traffic was mostly a breeze, I did end up about 2 minutes late for class. I'm always intimidated walking into a class or meeting late, so my immediate fear-based idea was "just don't go in and do some other work out instead". I pushed through that fear and pushed the classroom door open, and of course, all eyes were on me just like I awkwardly imagined they would be. But what I didn't expect was the warm welcome I received from my favorite instructor who said it was great to see me and to come on in! I rolled out my mat, took off my shoes and socks, and entered savasana (corpse porse) and let my fears, and pre-conceived thoughts of the day melt into the floor. A couple of sun-salutations and downward dogs later, I feel like a million bucks! Rise-n-Shine yoga it is!

Day 19 - Secrets

http://www.postsecret.com/

Everyone has secrets. Some secrets you allow yourself to share with others, while other stay cemented safely in the pavement of your mind. Some secrets are easier shared with a complete stranger, but finding the right stranger to listen to you can be difficult. That said, "Post Secret" started as an art project that allowed people to design a postcard, and share their secrets, their fears, or regrets anonymously by mailing them in to the address pictured above. These secrets then had the potential to be published by project creator, Frank Warren via his blog, and now his books.

Sharing secrets can be a stress relief, or your worst nightmare if you share them with the wrong person. Putting fear of judgement aside, I'm sharing some secrets here and will be mailing my own postcard off to Post Secret shortly. What would your postcard say?

1) I like the Beatles. I have adamantly protested liking them until seeing a recent tribute to Paul McCartney on TV and realized I like their music, I just never knew who sang the songs.

2) I own a Snuggie and love it.

3) Despite my achievements in life, I'm afraid I'm failing at it.

Day 18 - First Things First

I've received numerous inspirational emails in the past with stories and advice that tell me I shouldn't save that sexy black dress for a special occasion, that I should invite more people over and not worry about how clean my home is, and that I should relish life and eat dessert first. And while I love these e-mails, I wonder who actually does any of this stuff? It all sounds great on paper, but again, I ask, who actually does this stuff? I can answer that question, today it was me!

I headed out to dinner with a great friend and her daughter and warned my company that I would be ordering dessert first (just in case they wanted to run and hide). I put fears aside that I would look like a gluttonous pig or a raging choc-o-holic that needed a fix and ordered the most calorie laden, decadent dessert my taste buds desired. While my dates ordered "normal" appetizers, I ordered up one slice of Wild Blueberry White Chocolate Truffle Cheesecake for immediate consumption.

I giggled a bit as the waitress brought out my dessert. Sensing my discomfort, she said, "Hey, gotta make sure you get it all in, right?!". With my friends' encouragement, I slowly worked on my dessert and got about half way through when I decided to set it aside to save room for dinner. What an odd concept, "save room for dinner" when I'm used to hearing "did you save room for dessert?".

Today, as the Beatles would sing, I got "by with a little help from my friends". Fear of looking silly, conquered. Fear of being judged, conquered. Tummy ache, well that will need more then the Beatles lyrics to feel better. Despite the tummy rumbles, I still say enjoy the little things in life. Eat dessert first.

Day 17 - Baubles

I have saved myself many a dollar and then some, by passing up the jewelry counters at my favorite stores. I have actively avoided purchasing many necklaces that I thought were beautiful because the "in" style these days seems to be long necklaces. You know, the type of long necklace that comes to rest about half way down the front of your shirt? This is the type of necklace that I believe sits at just the right length to draw even more attention to my frontal assets then need be. Of course, the fear and paranoia of over-advertising my "goods" is my own perception, and probably not that of others. In order to overcome my fear today, I actually had to go shopping this past Saturday!

Saturday found me perusing the jewelry department of a local department store that I love to frequent. Looking at jewelry with an actual intent to buy was intimidating to say the least. As I held up dozens of long necklaces, none of which passed my "wear-ability" inspection, I began to get nervous at the thought that I would not find a strand of baubles to wear. Finally my eyes landed on a multi-colored, two strand, semi-understated, simple necklace and then I thought, "Okay, now what do I wear this with?". Quickly bringing all items in my closet to mind, I believed this necklace would work with at least two different outfits so off to the register I went.

I must admit, it's been hard not to fidget with the necklace today, and when I see people looking at my chest, I still remain unsure of exactly what it is that they're looking at. Despite my fears, I've conquered wearing a lengthy necklace and will focus on the compliments I've received versus the insecurities I feel. Now all I want to know is, when is the next trip to the jewelry department?

Day 16 - Complaint

I bitch and moan quite a lot, but to effectively complain and stand up for one's self is quite different. I tend to let a lot of things "slide" that bother me because either I don't find them worth the effort of complaining about, or more so, I'm afraid of the reception my complaint will receive. Today I decided to stand up for myself and let my complaint be heard. Granted, the situation wasn't life altering, but none the less I set fear aside and complained.

The day started as I dragged what seemed to be 50 pounds of laundry down 4 flights of stairs, only to find out there was no detergent left in the bottle I had toted with me. I happily walked to the grocery store and purchased more detergent with a lovely Spring scent to perk up my load. Returning to the laundry room, I haphazardly tossed my laundry in the machines, added said detergent, loaded the coin slots with quarters and pushed the handle inwards expecting the machine to start, but got nothing. That's right, no lights, no water, no power, no nothing. This only affected one of the three machines I was using so at first I thought, "whatever", it's just one machine. But then I thought, I just lost 6 quarters and that's at least one McDouble cheeseburger from McDonalds, or an hour of parking in the city and now I want it back!!!

I quickly consulted with my legal counsel, which is really my boyfriend of almost 5 years, to see if I had a case and the verdict was yes. Before I could lose momentum in arguing my case, I ended the call with my counselor and dialed my maintenance man. After a short description of the insubordinate machine's behavior, I was guaranteed a full refund. While it didn't help my laundry get done any faster, it did help my day go much easier! It was great to complain, be heard, and get results. Final ruling in favor of the plaintiff and fear defeated.

Day 15 - No

Today I put myself first by saying "no". I put the fear of being unpopular aside. I put the fear of being considered a jerk aside. I put the fear of making someone else upset aside. Saying no doesn't make me a bad person, and I need to remember that more often. Unfortunately my "no" includes rescheduling plans, and while I am truly sorry to the other party for the inconvenience of short notice, I think it's for the best. Saying no allows me to take the weekend to heal my soul, rest and rejuvenate both mentally and physically. I can make the world a much happier place when I'm a well rested, healthy and happier person! Here's to a full day of "no"!

Note: Today's photo is of the actual DVD of the movie "Juno", minus the letters "J" and "U".