Day 267 - Keesha's Last Day

Upon an initial physical exam, the doctor's response was, "It wouldn't be wrong to put her down, you've done all you can for her". Those are words no pet owner wants to hear, although I knew in my heart that this was likely the outcome of today's visit. With a heavy heart I handed my debit card to the vet and said, "Please take care of everything now, so I can just walk out of here when everything is done". She gave me a hug, and a box of tissues. A small consolation for what I was about to experience, but appreciated none the less.

I read a poem from a pet's perspective years ago that they (pets) shouldn't be alone when facing the end, and made up my mind then that when the end was to come for my own pets I would be there with them. I knew I could not walk away from Keesha at this moment. I had to let her know I was there with her to offer any last comfort I could. It was peaceful and quiet, and I knew she was no longer suffering as her golden heart stopped beating. She had taken her last breathe. I couldn't help but cry.

The vet asked me if I wanted her ashes returned to me, and I said yes. And while I would never think to keep a human's ashes, I cannot let Keesha go. You see, when I adopted the little Tasmanian devil from a shelter over 9 years ago, she was some one's trash. Keesha was literally found in a garbage can because someone had cruelly thrown her away. I refuse to let her leave the world the way she came into it. She will always be with me, where hopefully she was the happiest. If I could find a pet urn made by Sleep Number, I'd get it for that silly cat in a moment.

- Keesha Remembered -

I remember not wanting YOU at all. My adoption intentions as I visited the shelter that day was a black and white cat, and YOU just happened to be in the same cage with him. As I cuddled and held him, YOU ran around the floor like an insane, escaped convict running for it's life. YOU chased a toy as if you were nothing but pure energy. I pitied the fool that was going to adopt YOU. "Good luck," I thought as I left the shelter.

I became the fool that called the shelter immediately after having left it to have YOU put on hold. I couldn't bear the idea of YOU being left alone in the cage without YOUR friend, the one I had intended to adopt, so now YOU were coming home with me. I brought YOU home, and YOU lived up to the notes in your adoption file, "Keesha is a ball of feline energy!". YOU made me crazy, and I yelled at YOU to shape up and behave or I was taking YOU back to the pound. I threatened YOU constantly.

Upon seeing the movie "Lilo & Stitch", I was touched by the scene where the destructive but cuddly alien gets adopted into the family and is loved unconditionally. "Ohana" they called it, "Ohana means family". And that is how YOU got YOUR middle name. I made a deal with YOU that day to stop threatening to return YOU to the pound if YOU would stop acting, well, like a cat. From then on, "Keesha Ohana" found a way into my heart forever.

I remember thinking I had gone insane as I would close my bedroom door every night with YOU on the outside of it, but wake up with YOU in my bed come the next morning. For weeks I thought I was insane, until I realized YOU were sneaking through the heating ducts in the house just to get to me and lay on the bed. YOU were bed obsessed!

I remember YOU purring so loudly next to me, that at one point I wondered who was "mowing their lawn" at such an early hour in the morning...

I remember YOU, a 15 pound cat, somehow managing to hog an entire Queen sized bed leaving me just inches of space, barely allowing me to sleep on my side...

I remember the way YOU always announced YOUR entrance into a room by letting out a half meow, half purring sound as YOU came running towards me...

I remember the way YOUR belly jiggled side to side as you ran, causing me to giggle every time...

I remember the way YOUR tail would vibrate in pleasure as I petted YOU...

I remember claw marks on my sofa, and in the freshly remodeled and spackled wall...

I remember YOUR first Lion Cut grooming, YOU looked so silly!

I remember the way YOU would always sneak onto the bed and upon trying to move YOU, YOU'D throw all YOUR weight against me in efforts to stay put. YOU usually won...

I remember YOU setting YOUR long haired tail on fire as YOU walked too closely to a candle. YOU didn't even realize it, and almost gave me a heart attack! The smell of singed fur was terrible.

But what I remember most of all, is loving YOU. And while I never wanted YOU, I never wanted to let YOU go either. Find peace my pet, and know that YOU are always with me. I love YOU always.

Day 266 - Keesha Day 9

Tonight still finds Keesha in decline, however there was a moment of return from the "old" Keesha. So much the bed lover, she fought with all her energy to hop on the infamous Sleep Number Bed in efforts to get comfortable. I allowed her stay and cuddled with her, as the poor thing deserved to enjoy one of her most favorite things ever. I gave her the rest of her medicines and feedings on the bed to allow her some extra comfort time before returning her to a regular pet bed for the night. Tomorrow is our trip to the vet, fingers crossed.

Day 265 - Keesha Day 8

It looks like I've got only 100 more days of blogging left based on today's post title! I have to admit, these past few weeks have been challenging! Having to deal with life changes and caring for a sick pet have made it hard to focus on blogging, however I am determined to not let 260+ days of blogging end here, not with an end goal of daily blogging for a full year in site!

Keesha update: She has started to vomit and her nauseousness has increased. These are the signs of decline that I was warned against upon her release from the Animal ER. All tests have been inconclusive as to what caused her to stop eating, but her resulting anorexia created a fatty liver that seems to have taken an eternal hold on her. Her upcoming vet visit is supposed to be for a bandage change and a liver enzyme blood test, however I am feeling that the visit may be her last trip to the veterinarian. While I hope I am incorrect, I can't help but see a declining animal that is no longer herself in front of me and I will not allow her to suffer longer then needed for my own selfishness...

Day 264 - Keesha Day 7

Although afraid to leave Keesha, today I returned to work as she had in home care provided for her. I don't know which was the lesser of the two evils, facing the stressors at work or the stress of caring for a sick pet. None the less, I was semi-relieved to go to work and have some distraction from the situation at home...

Day 263 - Keesha Day 5 & 6

Monday found Keesha coming home with a feeding tube in hopes of a recovery, but with the reality that she may decline. After stopping at two different pharmacies, the "child" had all the prescriptions she needed and home care was to begin. As if I were a new mother not quite sure how to care for her child, the days found me with my stomach in knots as I was doling out 6 different medications and 'round the clock feedings. Was I doing this correctly? Was I causing more pain then good? I frequently looked at her yellow, jaundiced ears for any sign of improvement to no avail, but continued to hope and pray for the best. Tuesday brought more of the same. Feedings, a grueling medication regiment, and a stomach in knots as my poor cat seemed to decline in front of my eyes...

Day 261 - Keesha Day 4

Today's news is not good. While Keesha tolerated her feedings last night, most everything that was fed was vomited up this morning. Needless to say, she is not coming home today as hoped. She continues to decline in attitude and personality, and seems to have more discomfort in her abdomen. With the increased nausea and abdominal pain, a pancreatitis test is now being run. Despite the outcome of the test, the same support is needed which is fluids and food. The prognosis for pancreatitis is fair and would consist of a bland, low fat diet the remainder of her life and seems manageable, however if she continues to not eat or tolerate the tube feedings, harder decisions will need to be made soon.

Between stress at work and personal changes that have taken place over the past month, I am emotionally and spiritually drained. Dealing with my other cat who remains at home (Tird) is like having a sibling child who misses his sister and is acting out. Taking care of him is a full time job at times, and is a sad reminder of Keesha's absence.

- Cuddle Buddies: Keesha & Tird -

Day 260 - Keesha Day 3

Expecting to have to give 'round the clock feedings to Keesha, I called into work today and even regretfully declined a wedding invitation for the evening. Upon arriving at the vet this morning to bring Keesha home, she did not respond to my presence at all. It was heartbreaking and disappointing. Instead, she ended up drooling, a sign of nauseousness, and wheezing despite having clear lungs. Painfully, I decided to take her to an animal ER for further hydration and the insertion of a feeding tube.

With knots in my stomach, I drove to the ER and had her admitted for surgery. Post operative news was good, and found she had tolerated the surgery well, but seemed rather frightened of her new surroundings. I called around 9pm to check on her further, and her first feeding seemed well received. Keeping food down at this point is going to be the biggest hurdle. Hopes are that she "eats" well, and I will be able to bring her home tomorrow, Sunday, to administer the feedings myself until she eats on her own.

I find it ironic and beyond emotionally draining on how something as simple as eating, which is the only "cure" in this case, is so difficult. It's amazing what one takes for granted. I literally have an anorexic cat, and if this is how pet ownership goes, I can't imagine what having a human child is like. Again, fingers crossed that her feedings stay "down" and I can bring her home tomorrow...

Day 259 - Keesha Day 2

Keesha is still not eating despite an appetite stimulant and being re-hydrated. This is not what I had hoped for. Keesha is supposed to come home for the weekend Saturday morning, with the expectation that I will be force feeding her throughout the day and weekend. The vet and I are hoping that being in familiar surroundings might help perk her up and bring back a bit of an appetite. Hopefully her "brother" Tird will not interfere with her preferential treatment and maybe even help elevate her mood. Fingers and paws crossed.

- Keesha: Post Lion Cut Grooming, 2009 -

Day 258 - Keesha Day 1

- Keesha & Tird -

I was afraid to take my ailing cat to the vet today, but did. She's been hospitalized and is being put on IV fluids in efforts to rehydrate her along with precautionary antibiotics. Due to declined appetite and lack of eating, my cat now has a compromised liver and is jaundiced. The vet hopes to get her eating again, which is really the only "cure" at this point. I really hope my cat rallies and comes through this, but realistically her prognosis does not seem good at this point, especially if we can't get her eating again. I will work to stay positive, but positivity doesn't pay vet bills.