Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Day 172 - Proportions

I've noticed some upside down proportions as of late, and thought I'd share...

The wait for the elevator is directly proportionate to the amount of "stuff" you are carrying. The more bags, plates, or whatever it is you're holding and hoping desperately not to drop, automatically dictates that the elevator will take longer. Don't worry though, the doors will open just when you feel your arm is going to fall off from carrying everything.

The cleanliness of the public bathroom is directly proportionate to the urgency of the need to go. The more you have to go, the longer you will have to do the "potty dance" while trying to either find a suitable stall to "go" in, or to try to clean off the toilet seat with toilet paper, or cover it with one of those ridiculous seat covers that never come out of their holder in one piece. Yes, you will practically pee your pants trying to insure you won't walk away with some horrid disease from sitting on the nasty seat.

The want of items to be purchased is always upside down-proportionate to the money available in your bank account. Meaning, if you have no money, you will find at least 10 items that you'd like to purchase but yet, the next visit to the same store on payday will leave you empty handed as you can't find a thing you like!

The amount of traffic, red-lights, and accidents during your commute is directly proportionate to the urgency of what it is you have to do. 9:00am interview? You can bet you'll be in traffic due to some "one-off" traffic accident, or power outage at a 4-way stop at least until 9:15.

And finally...

The amount of invites offered to you for dinner or outtings with friends or loved ones is proportionate to the amount of time you don't have available. You will recieve at least 4 invites from friends to do something on the same day that you already have plans, but will receive ZERO invites to do something for the rest of the month when you are free.

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