Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Day 109 - P is for Precipitation

Precipitation: any form of liquid falling from the sky that will ultimately find a way to annoy Lynn. - Lynn

While "hate" is a strong word that I rarely use in any form of seriousness, I can honestly say I think I hate rain. And snow. And hail. And fog. Did I miss any form of precipitation? Any form of said precipitation combined with cold (any temperature under 70 degrees) should not be allowed. With that said, here is my letter of complaint.

Dear Rain -

I find it totally inappropriate for you to accompany any weather and wind combination wherein the temperature is under 70 degrees, and the wind is blowing at a rate of more then 5 miles per hour. With that said, I want to inform you of my disdain that you felt the need to accompany me on my 30+ mile drive home. From work. In the dark. Take note, you are not allowed to rain in low visibility conditions either, so please adhere to my sleep schedule, despite it's night to night variance, and rain only during my hours of dormancy. Please feel free to deduce on your own that with these guidelines in place, snow and blizzard conditions are out of the question as well as any notion to turn my umbrella inside out and render it useless.

In addition, I will curse you should you decide to pound and pelt my car so loudly that I am forced to turn the volume of the radio up from it's normal level of 10, to 20. If you decide to rain during allowed hours of dormancy as outlined above, please be sure to keep your noise to a lullaby level that will benefit my sleep and/or radio listening efforts. During sleep, random crashes of thunder are not appreciated and frowned upon when said crashing noises send scared felines scampering into my bed for protection.

Please take heed as well, that less is more. There is no need to flood all roads that lead to my place of work making it near impossible to arrive on time. There is also no need to pool on the sidewalks causing the hems of pants to be soaked, as well as shoes to become soggy.

Finally, I do not find it funny to rain on my car after it's been washed. I do not go out and blow-dry the Earth after you have worked hard to water it (during stated nightly hours, minus wind as outlined in initial paragraph) so I appreciate the common courtesy to not un-do my work efforts.

Thank you for your understanding. I look forward to working with you in the future.


PS) No more rain during outside sporting events either. Ponchos are not a good look for me.

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