Thursday, April 14, 2011

Day 104 - L is for Liver Treats

Liver Treats: Stinky, cubed dehydrated cow liver used to destroy Lynn's pants - Lynn

So, today's obvious post would have been "L" is for Lynn, after all that's ME! But if you've been reading my blog, you should know at least a little something about me by now, so I offer you liver treats instead. Delicious, huh?

I train dogs part time. Dogs respond to super smelly things. And food. So super smelly food is a the perfect combination and a great motivator when expecting your dog to pay attention to you and ignore all the butts (and crotches) that they could be sniffing instead. Armed with this knowledge, every training day starts off with me loading my pockets with crumbled, freeze-dried liver treats and a clicker. If you've never smelled freeze dried liver, I can only describe it as...well, I can't. But take my word for it, it smells pretty damn bad. So with pockets loaded full of "the smelly stuff", every dog I greet immediately sniffs one pocket, my crotch as they transition to the other pocket, and then the other pocket in search of what smells. A lesser woman might think it's something personal, but I know it's all about the liver and nothing more (I hope!). This behavior usually proves more embarrassing for the pet owner then me, as they shoo their dog away from my crotch and pockets.

As my day wears on, the treats diminish and I'm left with mere crumbs in my pockets. Of course, these crumbs are ground down so fine by this point, that I have to turn my pockets inside out, shake, and try to scrape the liver dust remains out of the crease of the pocket linings. This usually wedges said liver dust remains under my fingers nails, which is not removable with simple hand washing. In addition, this also grinds the liver dust and stench deeper into the fabric of my pockets. Despite having washed my hands another 3 or 4 times, I pray I don't forget and grab something very manual to eat, like chips or fries, as liver flavored french fries are not on the McDonald's menu for a reason!

Heaven forbid the night come where I forget to empty my pockets and I arrive at home to veg out in front of the TV and wonder, "What the hell stinks in here?". I then immediately search the cats' litter box, the trash and the toilet only to find, that the smell is me, or rather my pockets, which are still full of liver snacks! At this point, I must go outside and follow the steps above before attempting to undress and throw said pants and smelly pockets into the laundry. I have found that should "Operation De-Liver Pants Pockets" not be followed, I end up with soggy liver lumps in the bottom of the washer. It's not pretty.

Training tip of the day? Liver treats, great for dogs, bad for pockets!


  1. And I thought the stuff I find in my son's pockets was bad!

    I'm stopping by via A to Z. Good luck with the challenge!

  2. The things we do for our dogs, eh? :))) That was a really funny entry, I loved it.
    - andrea, an A to Z participant